Selfish: To sell your own fish for your benefit!?

The title seems quite confusing but puts up quite an evident question – is doing something for ourselves and our own life which others can’t match up to, called being selfish?

Selfish is a bad word in most people’s books. As a society, we applaud selflessness, honor, sacrifice and service. Being called selfish is hurting, but this particular trait can help you become a better person.  It is critical to be selfish and self – centered when you are considering the future of YOUR life! And that is because you are responsible for your own happiness. 

Most people give up their heart’s desire to do something by getting influenced from other people. It is a strange aspect of human psychology that we try to please everyone and not hurt their feelings… but is it worth it? Is giving up your desires and dreams for others (who don’t have much of role to play in your life), fair?

Consider a situation to understand the point above: your best friend comes over to you and asks whether he should please himself or someone else. Would you ask him to go ahead and kill his desires for someone else? NO... Right? So who is stopping you to apply the same in your life... to become your best friend, whom you would never advise anything wrong.

If you still feel that making others happy makes you happy, then this question is for you: how will you give someone something when you yourself have its deficit? It’ll be difficult or rather will be impossible in that case. Similarly, unless you yourself are happy, you can’t make others happy and hence we come to ground reality that it is okay to do things that makes us happy, even though others feel that you are being selfish!

To demonstrate the above point, consider this: you had a hard day at college / work and you are in a very bad mood. An old friend calls up for help. Would you be able to help him with the same generosity and happiness as you would have when you were in good mood… Give it a thought.

Being selfish is difficult, but not that difficult if we do it in a step – by – step manner. These are the little things which we can do to be selfish.

• Before making any commitments or saying yes to requests, ask – “Do I really want to do this?”

• Be clear on the consequences of saying yes (or no) to a request and ask if you are prepared to live with them. If you are, go ahead. If not, reconsider and come up with an alternative.

• Learn how to say "no" and mean it. Practice saying a congruent and convincing "no" in the mirror (or get a friend to help you). Stand tall, chin up, chest facing forwards, feet hip-wide and firmly placed on the ground. Imagine someone asking you to do something you don’t want to is standing in front of you. Pause, take a deep breath and say "no" firmly. Do this several times and practice every day if you are not used to saying no to people.

• Include yourself in your list of important people in your life and make space in your life for you. Start with the small stuff, for example, take an evening off every fortnight or month to do your own thing be it a painting or a long drive!

•  What fills you up? Do something that fills you up and gives you pleasure every month. Dance the Tango, read a great book, watch stand-up comedy, go to a music concert – whatever floats your boat! Schedule it in your diary like a date or business meeting and stick to it.

•  Applaud yourself and your success on being selfish. Even if it’s a very small thing like saying "no" to a telesales agent – celebrate!!!

• Be your own best friend. When you have a decision to ponder, ask, “What would my best friend advise me to do?”

And lastly to cater to a general question: What good will it do to me? The four benefits of being selfish (sourced from an online magazine) which I found very relevant in today’s context are:

1. YOU’LL BE HEALTHIER

Selfish people tend to take better care of them instead of giving too much energy away serving the needs of everyone else, says Rosen. He interviewed several executives for his book and found strong physical health to be a common trait of a good leader.

"Instead of spending all of their time at work, these men and women carve out time for themselves," he says. "For example, Dennis Nally is global chairman of PwC (formerly PricewaterhouseCoopers), and he travels more than any other person I know. Exercises all the time, and eats well. He knows in order to sustain his travel agenda he has to take the time to take care of himself."

2. YOU’LL HAVE AN ADVANTAGE WHEN IT COMES TO LEADERSHIP ROLES

Studies have shown that acting in your own self-interest you may give you an advantage in leadership roles, says Deuter.

"Selfish people are more confident and less likely to give up on goals," she says. "They go after what they want unapologetically, and they’re not afraid to ask for the raise or promotion."

Rosen agrees. "Selfish people have a drive to succeed," he says. "There is often a higher purpose to be a great leader—taking care of other people. But if you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t care for others. Being selfish is critical."

3. YOU’LL HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS

People will have a harder time manipulating or taking advantage of you if you’re selfish, says Deuter. "Setting boundaries means knowing where you end and other person begins," she says. "If you have trouble being self-focused, you might have trouble saying no."

"To be a healthy, grounded person, you need to be selfish," says Rosen. 

4. YOU’LL BE HAPPIER

Selfish people spend their time doing activities they like to do.

"If you have a well-developed sense of who you are, what you enjoy and the ability to communicate this to others, you’ll be a happier person," says Deuter. "Putting yourself first is not a negative quality; it’s your job to take care of yourself and get what you need."

So now after reading through all this, you would realize that it is not bad to be selfish; rather it is good to be one at times – to grow and to be happy in life! and this kind of selfishness would be rather called SELF -CARE!